Fast forward 12 years

Today has the potential to be quite good or quite odd.

We will be seeing my father-in-law for the first time in about 12 years.

We aren't exactly sure of all the reasons he became estranged but he has had a long history of dealing with issues of depression and anger since returning from Vietnam (he lost a leg when he stepped on a land-mine on July 4th, 1968).

He only lives a few hours away and we have had his mailing address the whole time. Birthday cards, Fathers Day cards and Christmas cards went unanswered until he re-established contact with my wife about a year ago.

Twelve years ago our kids were ages 4 and 5; I still even had some dark hair.

I know my wife is sort of nervous about the whole thing. I plan to just sit back and be supportive in whatever way possible.

Of course I'll do my best to keep from opening my mouth and inserting my foot; at least that's my plan going into the day.

I can't guarantee it...but I'll try.

To cpr or not to cpr...that is the question

Cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR), in reality, is not at all what is portrayed on television. A study done in 1996 on 96 episodes of “ER,” “Chicago Hope,” and “Rescue 911” in which CPR was depicted showed 75 percent surviving in the short term and 67 percent surviving in the long term.

According to most medical studies, the chance of surviving CPR, is at best, about 20 percent and this includes the most favorable group (witnessed in-hospital arrest). Chance of survival is less than 5% for Bystander CPR (CPR performed by someone). A higher percentage has a return of spontaneous circulation with CPR but survival to hospital discharge percentages remain very low. Of the 5% who survive, an even lower percentage are intact of mind and body.

The chance of survival if "shocked (defibrillated)" within 3-5 minutes is much better at 30% (that's why it's become so common to see defibrillators at stores, malls, and athletic events).

So here are a few things to think about:

“If you should die in spite of all medical efforts, do you want heroic measures attempted to bring you back?”

“How do you want things to be when you die?”

“In the event of your death, some patients would like heroic life sustaining treatments. Others do not want such measures. Where do you see yourself in this spectrum of choices?”

Here are my current thoughts: In the event of my death, and as long as I don't have a terminal and irreversible condition and death is not imminent:

Go ahead and try CPR if my death is witnessed while in a hospital.

Go ahead and try CPR if I drop dead out in public and if a defibrillator can be located and used within 3-5 minutes.

Otherwise...I've had a great life and it's been great knowing you!

Now that wasn't so hard after all!

Looked pretty darn good on the surface

I went to see Mr. C. today.

He's 80 years old and lives with his wife in a beautiful, lakeside, senior mobile home park in Leesburg, Florida.

All the lawns were perfectly manicured and the facilities looked great, practically brand new, even though the community was already 17 years old (they were some of the initial residents).

After I was there for awhile I asked, "this sure seems like a great place to live. How did you find it?"

Mrs. C.: We saw an advertisement announcing a new lakeside senior independent-living retirement community where everyone would be friends and everyone would be able to help each other. Well that's a bunch of bunk, I'll tell ya. The reason why all the facilities look so great is because no one ever uses them. It's always too dang hot and were all too dang old. This place is full of old people who need help. When one of us gets sick and needs help the neighbors can't help because they are all old, sick and already need help as well.

I wanted to ask her how she really felt but luckily decided it wouldn't be the prudent thing to do.

I just made a mental note to cross this place off my list for a possible retirement home.

Have fun and be creative to the very end

"The Three Boxes of Life and How to Get Out of Them" is a book published in 1981 by Richard N. Bolles that reminds us all that we don't have to be trapped by the notion that our lives have to proceed in the order of school, work, and retirement (and then, of course, death).

One way to avoid being trapped is to take a "sabbatical" from your career and go back to school for a while. Obviously, for many reasons, this is not always possible or practical.

Another probably more attainable way is to find a way to make your current career more fulfilling and by continuing to make inter-generational connections.

"All of us have creative potential, even if it's not the power to produce great music, scientific discoveries, or literature. Our lifetime of experience can give us unique abilities to contribute to the lives of others, as long as we maintain our mental flexibility and avoid getting set in our ways. We can also inspire others by our own personal narratives, the stories of our lives. By showing others that you refuse to be defined or limited by your age, and by sharing your wisdom with the younger generation, you will become an Age Buster. We can all avail ourselves of opportunities to feel we are making a difference, no matter what our age (Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D.)."

Now that's some good stuff!

Age breakers

Satchel Paige, who played professional baseball until the age of 59 was quoted as saying, "How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?"

I love this quote.

I exercise at the YMCA most weekday mornings and in general, it's a more elderly crowd at 5:30 AM.

By around 7 AM many are gathered around a table drinking coffee and discussing just about any topic.

I get to join in for a short time, on most days.

I know many are in the 70's and 80's; even one in his 90's.

David, Tommy, Jerry, Alice, Kathy, Dan and Oscar; to name a few.

They would all make Satchel Paige proud.

"Research has shown that the most satisfied and successful older adults are the ones who don't focus on age, on their physical changes (within reason), or the stereotypes about age that are so prevalent in our society."

They're great role models for remaining younger at heart than their chronological age.

Reference: How to become an Age Buster by Susan Krauss Whitbourne PhD

A great start

My father-in-law had not seen a doctor for many years.

For a good number of years he has appeared to be depressed and anxious (these two diagnoses often go hand in hand).

He finally consented to go in for a check-up last week.

He saw an acquaintance of mine who has been in practice for many years.

It appears that all the right things were said behind closed doors.

He left the appointment in great spirits and has agreed to start on medication therapy, in addition to continued follow-up and counseling.

We've (my wife and I) been relayed small amounts of the details by my father-in-law.

"The doctor told me:"

"It's not your fault you've been depressed and anxious-you inherited the potential for both from your parents."

"You need to stop worrying so much; You need to remember what it was like to be a boy again and have fun."

"If you like sex and your wife likes sex, you should have sex (we did let him know this was TMI (too much information)-but at least he laughed, which he hadn't been doing for awhile, when he said it)."

I've got to give the doctor a lot of credit.

He was able to get a good read on my father-in-law and high-lite things in an easy to understand way for an individual who has had a real aversion to utilizing the health-care system for many decades.

It was an impressive start to a physician-patient relationship.

A looser definition of quit

Mr. O. is a 75 year old with advanced Parkinson's disease.

He said he was an ex-smoker.

Me: How old were you when you quit smoking?

Mr. O.: Lets see, how old was I yesterday (he laughs)?

Me: You quit yesterday?

Mr. O.: Sort of. My son-in-law and I quit about 2 months ago but we've had about 1 or 2 a day since; but none since yesterday. My son-in-law says he completely quit but that only means he quit buying cigarettes-he still bums them off me everyday.

His son-in-law, who was in the room, reluctantly confirmed the information and in doing so was busted since his wife, who was also in the room, had no idea.